What’s Keeping You Stuck?:
Understanding Attachment Styles and How to Find Security | Amority Health
February 26, 2026
Written By: Rachel Cooper, MS, LPC Associate
Supervised by Amber Quaranta Leech, PHD, LPC-S
For: Amority Health - Blog - Shifting Perceptions
Quick Summary:
Sometimes, the patterns that keep us feeling stuck in relationships, emotions, or life challenges come from something deep within us, our attachment style. Rooted in early relationships, attachment shapes how we connect, trust, and feel safe. This post unpacks what attachment styles are, how they develop, and ways to move toward a more secure and freeing way of relating.
What Is Attachment and Why Does It Matter?
Attachment theory, first developed by psychologist John Bowlby, explains how our earliest relationships with caregivers shape our expectations of connection and safety (Bowlby, 1988).
Think of attachment like an emotional blueprint or a lens through which you view yourself and others. It influences questions like:
- “Am I worthy of love?”
- “Can I trust others to be there for me?”
- “Will I be abandoned or accepted?”
Four Main Attachment Styles
- Secure Attachment: Comfortable with intimacy and trusting others; able to seek support and maintain healthy boundaries.
- Anxious Attachment: Often worried about rejection or abandonment; seeks constant reassurance and may feel clingy.
- Avoidant Attachment: Values independence, often uncomfortable with closeness; may distance themselves emotionally.
- Disorganized Attachment: A mix of anxious and avoidant tendencies; often linked to trauma or inconsistent caregiving; can feel fearful of intimacy.
📝How Attachment Styles Are Formed and Reinforced
Attachment patterns develop through early experiences with caregivers. When a child’s needs are met consistently, securely attached styles are more likely to form.
But inconsistent, neglectful, or unpredictable caregiving can lead to anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachments (Ainsworth, 1978).
As we grow, these patterns get reinforced by:
- Relationship experiences that confirm our beliefs (“I’m not lovable,” "I'm not enough," “I can’t trust others (and/or myself)”)
- Habitual ways of coping with stress or conflict
- Internalized self-talk and expectations/perfectionism
🌸Why Attachment Styles Keep You “Stuck”
When your attachment style leans anxious or avoidant, you might find yourself:
- Repeating unhealthy relationship patterns
- Feeling emotionally stuck or confused
- Struggling to trust or open up
- Experiencing heightened fear or withdrawal in relationships
These patterns can trap you in cycles that feel impossible to break; leading to frustration and loneliness.
Becoming More Secure in Attachment
The good news? Attachment styles aren’t fixed. You can cultivate a more secure way of relating through awareness and practice (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).
How to Begin:
1. Increase Awareness
Notice your attachment patterns in relationships. When do you feel safe? When do old fears arise?
2. Challenge Old Beliefs
Use CBT techniques to question thoughts like “I’m unlovable” or “People will leave me.”
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Acknowledge the pain behind your attachment fears without judgment (Neff, 2011).
4. Seek Healthy Relationships
Surround yourself with people who respect boundaries, communicate openly, and provide consistent support.
5. Consider Therapy
A therapeutic relationship can be a safe space to explore attachment wounds and practice new ways of connecting.
🌸Rewiring Your Emotional GPS
Think of your attachment style as your emotional GPS guiding how you navigate relationships and intimacy.
If your GPS has outdated maps or signals, you might keep driving into dead ends or rough terrain. Though it can be quite difficult and challenging at times, therapy and self-awareness help reprogram that GPS, showing new routes to connection and safety.
⭐You’re Not Alone and You Can Change
Attachment patterns often feel deeply ingrained but healing and growth are possible.
✅ Building secure attachments allows you to experience relationships (with yourself and others) with greater trust, calm, and connection.
Ready to Explore Your Attachment Style?
If you find yourself stuck in old patterns or longing for more secure connections, I’m here to support you on the journey.
You’re welcome to schedule a brief consultation or reach out by email or phone to see if we’re a good fit
📅 Schedule a Free 15-Minute Consultation
Welcome to Explore More
Thank you for reading! If this article resonated with you, explore other articles in our Shifting Perceptions series. Topics include overcoming burnout, managing anxiety, and finding work-life balance, all designed to help you build resilience and create lasting change.
Shifting Perceptions Blog Suggestions:
Each post offers insights and practical tools to help high-achieving adults navigate challenges with clarity, balance, and self-compassion.
Written by Rachel Cooper, a therapist specializing in burnout, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and life transitions. Learn more about therapy for high achievers at Amority Health.
References
Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Psychology Press.
Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Explore More Services
If this post resonated, explore more information about our services at Amority Health:
