How to Stop Taking Things Personally:
Reclaiming Your Peace Through a Shift in Perception | Amority Health
By: Rachel Cooper, MS, LPC-Associate
Supervised by Amber Quaranta Leech, PHD, LPC-S
For: Amority Health - Blog - Shifting Perceptions
Quick Summary:
Have you ever felt gutted by a short text, a weird look, or someone’s silence? You’re not alone. Taking things personally is often a sign of deeper emotional wounds not oversensitivity. This post explores how you can begin to shift that inner narrative, reclaim your emotional peace, and build resilience in your relationships using awareness, compassion, and evidence-based tools.
“Why Do I Feel This So Deeply?”
Many have said:
“I know it wasn’t a big deal, but it still hurt. I replayed what they said for hours.”
That pain, the sting of being misunderstood, dismissed, or left out is very real. But often, our emotional response isn't just about what happened, it's about what we believe it means.
🌷Taking things personally is less about others and more about the lens through which we see ourselves.
What It Really Means to Take Something Personally
At its core, taking something personally often means assigning internal blame or creating a story about ourselves based on someone else’s words, actions, or silence. It can sound like:
- “They must think I’m annoying.”
- “I must have done something wrong.”
- “Why didn’t they invite me? I guess they don’t like me.”
These thoughts are often automatic, rooted in past experiences of rejection, shame, or abandonment. They’re the result of your brain trying to protect you but in doing so, they can keep you stuck in a cycle of hurt and hypervigilance.
The Invisible Lens of Old Wounds
Imagine wearing glasses tinted by every time you were excluded, criticized, or misunderstood. Every interaction now gets filtered through that lens.
Someone doesn’t smile at you? They must be annoyed.
A friend cancels plans? You must not be important.
But what if you could take off those glasses just for a moment and ask:
“Is there another possible story here?”
That’s what it means to begin shifting your perception.
A Reframe in Action
Let’s walk through an everyday example using a perception shift:
Situation: Your coworker walks past you without saying hello.
- Old interpretation: “They’re mad at me. What did I do wrong?”
- Emotion: Anxiety, self-doubt, overthinking
- Alternative interpretation: “Maybe they’re preoccupied or having a rough day.”
- Emotion: Curiosity, neutrality, emotional freedom
One simple shift in thought can prevent hours of inner spiraling. This is the power of cognitive reappraisal, a strategy supported by Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) (Beck, 2011).
Why It Hurts So Much: Our Brains Are Wired for Meaning
Human brains are meaning-making machines. When we don’t have full information, we fill in the blanks often with self-critical or fear-based assumptions.
This comes from evolutionary wiring: in early human history, being excluded from the group could mean death. So our brains developed to be highly sensitive to signs of rejection. But in today’s world, this sensitivity can backfire, especially if we have unhealed emotional wounds.
🌷When your brain tries to make meaning without evidence, it often fills the gap with fear.
How to Begin Taking Things Less Personally
Here are a few ways to gently shift your internal response when you feel stung:
1. Pause Before the Spiral
Notice the first signs of activation; tight chest, racing thoughts, tension, and gently pause. Ask yourself:
“What am I telling myself this means?”
2. Challenge the Story
Use a CBT-inspired reframe:
“Is there another possible explanation?”
“Would I talk to a friend this way?”
“What evidence do I have for this belief?”
3. Anchor in Compassion
Remind yourself: It’s okay to feel hurt. This doesn’t mean I’m broken or unworthy. Your reaction makes sense, but it doesn’t have to define the moment.
4. Don’t Assume Intent
Other people’s moods, silence, or reactions often have more to do with them than you. You can care without carrying the emotional weight.
5. Tend to the Deeper Wound
If you notice a pattern, it may point to an old story asking to be healed. Therapy can help you explore:
- Where did this belief come from?
- Is it still serving me?
- What truth can I replace it with?
You’re Allowed to Be Sensitive and Strong
Taking things personally doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're human. You may be sensitive because you’ve felt deeply, or because you weren’t given safe spaces to process pain. The work isn’t to toughen up, it’s to create a more grounded and compassionate inner dialogue.
🌷You don’t have to stop feeling, you just don’t have to believe everything you feel means something bad about you.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
If you often find yourself spiraling after small interactions or feeling emotionally exhausted from social situations, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to navigate it as such.
🌷Let’s work together to explore the stories behind the spiral—and help you feel more steady, connected, and confident.
📅 Schedule a Free 15-Minute Consultation
📧 Contact Me
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Curious to explore more?
We have other blog posts that look at how shifting perception can help with everyday struggles, relationships, and deeper understanding.
Written by Rachel Cooper, a therapist specializing in burnout, perfectionism, and life transitions. Learn more about therapy for high achievers at Amority Health.
References
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Kross, E., & Ayduk, Ö. (2017). Self-distancing: Theory, research, and current directions. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 55, 81–136. https://doi.org/10.1016/bs.aesp.2016.04.002
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.
Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427–440. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-012-9476-1
